Written By: Amy Reinhardt
Let’s get real and talk about sin.
In John’s gospel, Jesus says, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” He speaks to the Pharisees who want to stone an adulterous woman. After no one condemns her, Jesus tells the woman to go off and sin no more. She, a most miserable sinner, is redeemed by the gift of Christ’s mercy.
For months after my diagnosis, I fought a physical battle. I was in and out of the hospital and adapting to life on dialysis. I was humbled by the outpouring of love and support. Sometimes I wish I could return to those first seven months. I miss how easy it was to be thankful, simply for being alive.
It’s been three months since my last hospital stay. While I’m happy to be stronger, I’m now facing an even tougher battle. Envy has been wreaking havoc on my heart. I’ve become its helpless victim. I feel I’m losing hold on the grateful, positive attitude I had when my health deteriorated last summer.
When I hear about my loved ones excelling at work or changing jobs, I get jealous. When they tell me about upcoming trips or new relationships, I get jealous. When I see engagement announcements or baby photos, I get jealous. There’s no telling what will set off the pesky, little green monster.
While I desperately want to be happy for those around me, I’m only reminded of how much I’ve lost.
This is how envy works. The sin wants to trap us in comparison. It wants us to feel inferior and angry. Envy’s goal is separating us from gratitude. This sneaky sin knows that once we start counting our blessings, it’s all over.
I know I’m not a bad person for feeling jealous. We’re all sinners and we all struggle differently. Sins are tricky because of how quickly they twist our minds and sour our hearts.
When sin has a tight hold, the only solution is a visit to the confessional. The Sacrament of Reconciliation provides special graces to combat temptation. Heavenly graces that will surely help us “Go and sin no more.”
At 28 years old, Amy Reinhardt has been an Ascension parishioner for over half her life. She led Disciples Dwelling and was heavily involved in the young adult ministry up until getting diagnosed with end-stage renal disease. She strives to radiate Christ’s light and love to all who are blessed to know her. If you’d like to read Amy’s health updates, follow https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/amyreinhardt.